Here we go, Numbers 3 and 4

Here's the next entry in the 9 things that sailors do better (go back and read the first 2 if you missed them).

3. STRAIGHTFACING A DOUBLE ENTENDRE

Sailing terminology is (wait for it) an ocean teeming with metaphors, puns, double entendres and that’s-what-she-saids. You can’t think of a boating pun that hasn’t been exhausted. Chuckling at words and phrases like ‘breastlines; cockpit; coming about; and, in need of a tug’ is the sole folly of us landlubbers. Find someone who can, without flinching, present a Seaman Discharge Book (yes, that’s an actual thing) to a customs official and you’ve found a sailor.

Photo Jan 24, 12 59 03 PM.jpg

Brad loves to tell me he has to 'hit the head' whenever he needs to disappear for a few minutes.  What freakin' head are you going to hit and what did it ever do to you - it's always been an odd phrase to me.  Sometimes when you're the only woman aboard, the boys can't help but resort to the most inappropriate words possible.  We all love 'abreast' right?  Probably want to avoid 'chafing gear'...  Then there's the infallible, except when it isn't, 'sea cock'.  Then there's me varnishing the tiller...  Go find your favorite.

4. GIVING DIRECTIONS

‘Ja, so like take a right by the tree and then pass the school. I think it’s a school. Maybe it’s prison. A few blocks behind that is a road. I can’t remember the name of it but just call me when you’re outside.’ These are not directions. These are dangerous non sequiturs that cause people to remain seated in their own gaseous emissions longer than they should. If people gave better directions, there’d be a smaller hole in the ozone layer. Sailors know this (and they’re not even the ones using all the fuel). They also know that on the ocean vague directions can lead to death. Or worse, Port Elizabeth.

Directions informed by non-existent distances and quirky roadside markers have always been a pet peeve of mine.  The best example was back a number of years ago in Augusta, GA when going to a small church out in the countryside.  The directions went about like this, "take the ring road until you can get on the road going out of town north and then take a turn at the wood post and go past the almond farm then turn on the dirt road."  I'm not kidding, but crazy enough we made it.  That does not work on the water - you either run aground or end up in the Bermuda Triangle.  Thankfully, Brad is excellent at using paper charts and I'm  a wiz at the electronic version.